Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Another Chapter Comes to a Close

Well it looks like my life on the water is over for now. I have put almost all my belongings in storage and have moved back to my old house for some couch surfing until I can figure out what direction to go in next. I took a very good look at the boat and have decided it is way too far gone. The whole cabin is rotten through and through. My best bet would be to gut the boat and rebuild it. I didn't sign up to be a boat builder. These repairs have gotten too far out of hand. There isn't one inch of that boat that doesn't need work done to it. I do not have the skills, patience, time or money to do it justice.

I will offer it up as a project and see if anyone wants to take it on. If no one does, then I will strip it of all hardware and turn it into firewood. Its not the way I wanted things to go but I don't consider this quitting, just being smart enough to realize that I am in way over my head and would rather put my money and energy somewhere else.

Im glad I got to try life on a boat for a whole year. It was definately a learning experience in oh so many ways. I learned how to live with less. Less stuff, less space, less privacy, less spare time, less money, less heat. I also got more wildlife, more sunsets, more midnight adventures, more life skills and the chance to feel a bit like a pioneer for awhile. I chopped wood and carried water. I battled the elements and won. I was the Captain of my own destiny on the good ship Lucky 7.

I still want to live on the water but next time I want a floathome. If I ever got another boat, it would be in addition to the home and would be a (not wooden)sailboat. After experiencing the price of gas last summer, I would prefer a boat that has a cheaper, more environmently correct mode of getting around. It would be nice to have something seaworthy that I could technically sail to other lands.

I miss being rocked asleep by the gentle embrace of the water. I miss the satisfaction of knowing I survived another day with all the river could throw at me. I miss my little Hobbitt House and the sense of security I had knowing I had a home of my own for a minute. It seems to be my destiny to taste alot of what life has to offer but to never settle into anything permanantly. Once I've learned everything I want to know or had the experience it's time to move on and try something new.

I don't know if I will get back to the water. I don't know what life has in store for me now. It seems like a good time for something interesting to happen. The universe appears to be lightening my load and severing my connections with everything that consumed me last year. Right now I basically have no home, no boyfriend, no job, no belongings, one vehicle that is not running and another on its last legs. I should be worried but feel a strange sense of calm, a knowing that I don't have to fight this. The winds could blow me in any direction and I would be free to go.

Sheesh, this year is only six weeks old and my life has done a complete 180 since New Years. The quitting smoking is going well. I still get lots of cravings and mood swings. To that end I'm trying everything I can to detox and get a healthy lifestyle going on. I'm training for a sprint distance triathalon. I'm at the gym most nights doing a combo of stretching, weights, cardio and swimming. I've started a herbal detox program and am eating much healthier than I have for years. I've lost five pounds in the last two weeks and hope to make that twenty-five more before summer hits.

I didn't read this in the owners manual it normal to purge your whole life when you turn 50??


bowiechick said...

Love ya doll. Perhaps you are just where you are supposed to be.

Tim Zim said...

Letting go of an impossible job is not a bad thing - gives you the energy back to focus on achievable things.

I very much doubt you will be far from the water after your experiences.

We all tend to remember the good and forget the dire in time.

rob said...

Congratulations on the stopping smoking thang! remember its only the next Fag offered to you, that you have to refuse successfully to stop completely! So glad you realised that wood boats are just so much firewood!A nice steel hulled float home base with a wooden upper, that needs work! and a nice guy that can do it all for you!Take care!

cyberangel said...

Rob, your still alive, I was wondering how your day of rollerblading went? Hope you had fun.Yes I think I should advertise for a man with a float, please send picture of float LOL.
Thanks everyone for your kind comments, this has been a sad, stressful time for me.If all this couldnt get me to start smoking again, I think I'm good to go.

rob said...

Nah!!! you dont needs Fags! give it time. Rollerblading was great, I really enjoyed it! I got to go in a straight line and stop, with the wheels I`ve got I went fast (too fast really) and by the end of the hour and half lesson I got to turn around with both my feet pointed out! and then I fell on my butt for the first time so I did great, accoring to the instructor, so "Im good to go" dodgy back is the only thing stopping me for a bit, which came on three days after, but thats quite normal now and again, so Im raring to go! So sorry about your personal situation at the moment, but life doesn`t let you be happy for too long, it will change!

Jamie said...

Mmmm, yes, letting go when it's time. It's an art, the recognizing of the need to move on. Quiet kudos to you for your courage in doing just that. I have no alarmed worries for you, as you are clearly one who lands on her feet, not always where you expect, but on your own two independent feet nonetheless. You are surrounded by love in many ways. Remember that!