Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Back on the Roller Coaster

Hmm, well I just don't know what to think anymore. I was able with great effort, to manifest my dream home, but seem unable to manifest a nice safe berth for it. I have been living in a state of sheer terror for the last few months as I have been evicted from where I have my home and can't find anywhere else to take it. I really don't think I can muster the energy to pack up all my belongings once again. This is exactly where I want to be, I cannot see myself in another home at this point. I have put too much blood, sweat and prayers into this place to just walk away before it is even finished.

It's not just a home, it's an environmental statement, it is a school for me to learn from, it's all my hopes and dreams for the future wrapped up in some cedar boards.

My life has been filled with many challenges through the years. Most of them came with buckets of tears attached as well as wonderful lessons learned. I wish the learning process didn't always have to be so painful though. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, I am not supposed to keep this place, maybe I just needed the experiance of living on the water to help me grow as a human being. It has certainly opened my eyes to the problems of pollution and sustainable living. It has caused me to do a lot of research and soul searching on ways to leave a gentler footprint on this beautiful planet of ours.

I just wish I could keep my home as a base to work from and be inspired by. I have no idea what the future holds for me now ( do any of us really) but at this moment don't have a plan B. I can't afford to rent anything decent anywhere near where I work, I'm exhausted by moving and can't muster the energy to do it all again and am fearful of where this is taking me in my old age.

I haven't had a stable home ever in my life. We were constantly on the move when I was younger and my homes as an adult were always being sold out from under me. I can't afford to buy in this economy and am tired of being at the mercy of landlords.  What is a girl to do??

Just sending out a message to the universe, that if it is in the best interest of myself and the planet to please find me a haven to call home and to be a steward of. Thanks for listening xoxo

No comments: